Let It Roar

Chapter One

As night fell, the cold moon hung high in the sky. The bright moonlight fell on the ancient castle on the edge of the city, casting a mysterious silver veil around it. Emily stood on the balcony, looking at the forest in the distance, and felt a chill rising from the bottom of her heart. Since moving to this castle, her life has become bizarre and mysterious.
The cold wind in October swept across her bare shoulders, bringing a shudder. Emily subconsciously wrapped her woolen shawl tightly around her, but she couldn't feel any warmth. This castle seems to be always cold, just like its mysterious owner Lucas Black, exuding an inaccessible atmosphere.
"Miss Emily," suddenly, a low voice sounded behind her, "You'll catch a cold if you're still outside so late."
She turned around and saw Lucas standing at the balcony door. The moonlight outlined his tall figure. He was wearing a dark silk shirt, and the collar vaguely revealed his strong chest. The amber eyes flickered strangely in the darkness, as if they could see through her soul.
"Mr. Black," Emily whispered, trying to hide the trembling in her voice, "I'm just admiring the moonlight."
Lucas took a step forward, but suddenly stopped. Emily noticed that his body stiffened instantly, and his nostrils fluttered slightly, as if he was sniffing something. His expression became solemn, and a glimmer of wildness flashed in his eyes, but was quickly suppressed.
"Please go in," his voice was hoarser than usual, "It's not safe here."
Just then, a cold night breeze swept across the balcony, bringing a faint smell of rust. Emily saw that Lucas's fingers were almost pinched into the stone railing, and his knuckles were white. She couldn't help but take a step back, her heartbeat accelerated.
"I thought this castle was the safest place," she whispered, "after all, you are here."
Lucas let out an almost inaudible growl, "Some danger, Miss Emily, is much closer than you think." His eyes looked unusually sharp in the moonlight, "especially on a full moon night."
Suddenly, a wolf howl came from the distant forest, shrill and long. Emily was surprised to find that Lucas' pupils shrank in an instant and turned into vertical pupils like a beast, but the fleeting change made her wonder if it was just an illusion caused by the moonlight.
Just then, a cold breath passed by her from behind, accompanied by a chuckle. Emily turned around and saw only a dark shadow flashing in the corner of the balcony. When she looked back again, Lucas had come to her side, with a hand gently on her shoulder.
"I'll take you back to your room," he said, with an unquestionable commanding tone in his voice. Emily noticed that his palms were surprisingly hot, in sharp contrast to the chill of the castle.
Walking in the dark corridor of the castle, Emily could feel Lucas' presence, he walked behind her like a silent guardian. Moonlight poured in through the Gothic stained glass windows, casting mottled shadows on the floor.
"Good night, Miss Emily," Lucas whispered in front of her door, "Remember, no matter what sound you hear, don't leave the room tonight."
"Why?" Emily asked subconsciously.
Lucas was silent for a moment, his eyes looked deep and dangerous in the moonlight, "Because the moonlight tonight is too beautiful, it will always wake up something that shouldn't wake up."
When the door closed behind her, Emily leaned against the door, her heartbeat still alarmingly fast. She could hear Lucas's footsteps gradually fading away, but she seemed to hear the sound of wings flapping outside the window. She walked to the window and looked out through the glass.
In the moonlit courtyard, she saw a figure standing by the fountain. The man looked up at her window, and the moonlight illuminated his pale marble face - it was Draco, with a mysterious smile on his lips and a dangerous light in his eyes. When Emily blinked, his figure had disappeared, as if he had never appeared. Emily lay trembling on the bed, listening to the wolf howling outside the window. She knew that she had fallen into a world full of dangers, and this was just the beginning. On this moonlit night, her fate was closely linked to two mysterious and dangerous beings, and there was no turning back.

Chapter Two

In the dead of night, Emily lay in bed, the faces of Lucas and Draco appeared in her mind. She could not resist the deep attraction, but she also knew that she was caught in a dangerous vortex. She knew that the confrontation between the two men was a life-and-death hostility, and she was just a pawn in their war. A corner of her heart reminded her to escape, but the deeper desire pulled her to stay in this mysterious castle, looking forward to the unknown encounter.

        Just as she was about to fall asleep, a slight knock on the window interrupted the silence. Emily opened her eyes, and the moonlight poured into the room through the curtains, making the corners of the room particularly dark. She sat up subconsciously, trembling slightly and walked to the window. When she opened the curtains, a figure was standing in front of her, cold and elegant.

        It was Draco.

        "Sorry, I scared you, Emily." His low voice was frivolous and indifferent, as if every word revealed his unfathomable darkness. His eyes were like two flames in the abyss, locking onto her with an irresistible force.

        "How... are you here?" Emily's heartbeat quickened, and her hands unconsciously clenched a corner of the curtain. She knew she should be scared at this moment, but Draco's unique charm made it hard for her to resist.

        Draco did not answer her question, but slowly approached, lowered his head and whispered in her ear: "You know why I'm here, Emily. You've never really been afraid of me, right?"

        The moment he approached, she smelled the cold breath on him, as if it came from the night a thousand years ago. Her breathing gradually became rapid, but she did not retreat, but was locked by his eyes, as if her soul was also attracted to him.

        "Draco... we can't do this." Her voice was weak, but she did not retreat at all, as if even she herself was struggling with contradictions.

        "You don't belong here at all, Emily. Staying here will only put you in deeper danger." Draco gently lifted her chin, with a smile on the corner of his cold mouth, that smile was both gentle and dangerous, "But if you want to know the real darkness, then come. I will take you to see everything."

        At this moment, the door was pushed open, and Lucas' figure appeared at the door like a shadow. His face was gloomy, and his eyes were burning with anger. It was his possessiveness and anger that he could not hide. He walked towards Draco step by step, his hands clenched, his muscles tensed, as if he was going to pounce on and tear the enemy in front of him in the next second.

        "Draco, let her go." Lucas' voice was low and threatening, like an enraged beast. It was the first time Emily saw him so out of control, his eyes were like a ball of unextinguishable fire, revealing uncontrollable anger and possessiveness.

        Draco smiled slightly, released Emily's chin, and looked at Lucas provocatively. "Don't you understand yet? She doesn't belong to you. The savagery of the wolf tribe is nothing but a bondage to her, and I can give her true freedom."

        "The 'freedom' you mentioned will only make her fall into darkness. You don't understand what true protection is." Lucas sneered, his eyes as sharp as an eagle. He slowly stepped forward, blocked Emily, and protected her behind him. That was his attitude as the wolf king, firm and unshakable.

        Emily was sandwiched between the two, feeling her heartbeat speed up, as if breathing became difficult. These two completely different forces intertwined and collided in front of her, making it impossible for her to decide which side to choose.

        Draco raised the corners of his mouth and slowly took a step back, his eyes still on Emily. "Emily, one day you will find that he can't satisfy the desire in your heart. And I am your true home."

        As soon as the voice fell, Draco's figure disappeared into the night, as if he had never appeared.

        Lucas looked at the empty room, his fists gradually loosened, but the anger and worry in his eyes remained. He turned around and looked at Emily softly, but his eyes still flashed with contradictions and forbearance.

        "Are you okay?" He asked in a low voice, with a trace of undisguised concern in his voice.

        Emily nodded, but her heart was in turmoil and it was difficult to calm down. She knew that she had fallen too deep. She could not let go of these two men easily, nor could she easily resist them. A complex emotion surged in her heart, which was a dangerous and fatal attraction.

        "Lucas, I..." She wanted to say something, but lost her words when she met his eyes.

        "Don't get close to him." Lucas' voice was low, with a hint of pleading and warning, "I know you feel confused, but Draco is not what you think. He will only drag you into the darkness, and I won't let him hurt you."

        Emily just looked at him silently, and a touch of uncertainty gradually rose in her heart. She knew that this was not just a war, but a contest of feelings and desires. In this dangerous triangle relationship, she has gone too far and can never turn back.

Chapter Three

Emily stayed awake all night. The wind outside the window blew through the woods, making a low moan, as if the whole castle was whispering in her ear. She curled up in bed, recalling Draco's cold smile and Lucas's deep eyes. Two completely different attractions stirred in her heart, making her lost on the edge of danger and desire.

        When the sky was slightly bright, she made a decision. She had to figure out what she wanted, the wildness and protection of the wolf tribe, or the mystery and temptation of the vampire. She got up and walked out of the room, walked through the deserted corridor, and came to the door of Lucas's study.

        The door of the study was slightly open, and a whisper came from inside. Emily stood outside the door and pricked up her ears to listen.

        "She is innocent, Lucas." A low and gentle female voice came from Lucas's sister, Leila. Emily had heard rumors about her. Leila was the wisest prophet in the wolf tribe and could always see fragments of the future.

        "I know, Leila." Lucas' voice was hoarse, as if he had struggled all night, "but I can't control myself, I can't suppress my desire for her. I'm afraid that if she stays with me, she will only be swallowed by my darkness."

        Emily's heart trembled, and she raised her hand to push open the door.

        "Lucas." Her voice was abrupt and firm in the silent room.

        The two turned around and saw her standing at the door with a hint of determination in her eyes. She walked slowly towards Lucas, looked up at him, with a hint of determination and inquiry in her eyes.

        "I know you protect me, but I'm not a fragile child." Her voice was calm and firm, "I need to know the truth. Why are you always so hesitant? And why is Draco so persistent in approaching me?"

        Lucas' expression froze for a moment, his eyes wandering on her face, as if he was weighing whether to tell her everything. Finally, he took a deep breath, as if he had made up his mind.

        "Emily, the fate of our werewolves is usually determined at birth. The wolf tribe has a unique ability to perceive its partner. When we find that person, we will feel an attraction that cannot be ignored... and you are my destined partner." Lucas spoke in a low voice, with pain and desire flashing in his eyes.

        Emily's heartbeat accelerated, and thousands of emotions surged in her mind, both shocked and confused. She never thought that she would become his destined partner, and his possessiveness and protectiveness of her turned out to come from this ancient bond.

        She asked softly: "What about Draco? Why is he so obsessed with me?"

        Lucas's eyes became more gloomy, and there was a hint of anger in his eyes. "Draco's tribe never believed in fate. They prefer to dominate their own future. And he believes that as long as he possesses you, he can destroy me and the traditional beliefs of the wolf tribe. So, he is not sincere to you, but to weaken my power."

        Emily's heart suddenly tightened, and a hint of anger and loss surged in her eyes. However, she also felt a little unwilling, as if she was just a tool in this struggle, being fought over and torn by the two, and she had no right to control herself.

        "So, Lucas, are you sincere? Is it just fate for me?" There was a hint of disappointment in her voice, and her eyes became cold.

        Lucas was stunned, as if he was hurt by her question. He was silent for a moment before speaking: "Emily, I can't deny the existence of fate, but I can't ignore my feelings for you." He gently held her hand, his eyes full of affection and desire, "Whether it is fate or something else, I am willing to give up everything for you."

        Just then, a slight sound came from outside the window. Emily turned back suddenly and saw a pair of dark red eyes flashing outside the window, like a flame in the dark, and the familiar cold breath startled her heart.

        It was Draco.

        He stood outside the window, sneering at them, as if everything was under his control. He knocked on the window lightly, his voice cold and full of provocation: "I don't think it's possible to talk about 'betraying' everything here, Lucas. You can't protect her because she will eventually come to me."

        Lucas' eyes immediately became cold and dangerous. He stood in front of Emily, glared at Draco outside the window, and growled in a low voice: "Stay away from her, Draco. You can't force her to choose darkness."

        Draco smiled slightly, his eyes full of evil confidence. He raised his eyebrows at Emily, as if everything was under his control. "Dear Emily, you will find that the bright world cannot satisfy your desire. And darkness - is your destination." After he finished speaking, his figure instantly disappeared into the night.

        The room returned to silence, but the air was filled with tension and uneasiness. Emily looked at the empty darkness outside the window, feeling both fear and desire in her heart. She could no longer deny Draco's attraction to her, and the danger and mystery made her heart beat faster.

        Lucas noticed her hesitation, and a trace of pain and uneasiness flashed in his eyes. He gently held her hand and whispered, "Emily, don't get close to him. His darkness will devour you and make you lost in the endless night."

        She didn't respond, but just looked at him silently, her heart full of complicated emotions. She knew that she could no longer simply withdraw from the two of them. Her fate had been drawn into an uncontrollable vortex, and the only thing she could do was to follow her heart and touch the unknown darkness.

Chapter Four

As autumn deepened, the forest surrounding the castle donned a cloak of gold and crimson. Yet Emily felt none of the season's warmth. Since that night's revelation, her mind had been in constant turmoil, with Lucas's truth and Draco's temptation intertwining like two serpents in her thoughts, leaving her breathless.

        That evening, Emily found herself alone in the castle's library, searching through ancient tomes for any mention of werewolves and vampires. As she focused on a yellowed manuscript, the air suddenly turned cold. Looking up, she found Draco standing across from her, his appearance as silent as shadow.

        "Seeking truth, my dear Emily?" Draco leaned elegantly against the bookshelf, wearing a deep purple silk shirt that made his skin appear even paler. "But you know, written accounts are often one-sided."

        Emily instinctively stepped back. "Why do you always appear like this? It's unsettling."

        Draco chuckled softly, moving toward her with fluid grace. "Because I enjoy seeing you startled. It makes you even more enticing." His fingers traced her cheek, the cold touch making her shiver. "Lucas told you I'm merely using you, but did he mention that his fate is actually a chain binding him?"

        Emily froze. "What do you mean?"

        "The werewolves' so-called destined mates are nothing but constraints in their bloodline," Draco's voice carried a hypnotic power. "They're forced to love someone, forced to protect them. Isn't that tragic? While I..." his gaze deepened, "I choose you because I'm truly drawn to you."

        A low growl suddenly echoed from the doorway. Lucas stood there, his eyes now golden, filled with rage. "Step away from her, Draco!" His voice carried an unmistakable threat.

        Instead of retreating, Draco pulled Emily closer. "Why so angry, Lucas? Is it because I spoke the truth, or because you fear she might choose me?"

        The tension in the air grew thick enough to cut. Emily could feel the energy between the two men threatening to tear the room apart. Lucas's body trembled as he fought to control the beast within.

        "Enough!" Emily suddenly shouted, "What am I to both of you? Some trophy to be won?" Her voice carried both anger and hurt.

        Both men froze. Pain flashed across Lucas's eyes, while Draco's expression turned contemplative.

        Emily pushed away from Draco and walked toward the door, but paused beside Lucas. "You say I'm your destiny, but have you considered my feelings?" Her voice was soft but accusatory. "And you, Draco, if you truly cared for me, you wouldn't use me as a weapon against him."

        She hurried from the library, and only when she reached the corridor did her tears finally fall. She didn't know whom to trust - Lucas, chosen by fate, or Draco, who chose her himself? More importantly, she began to question whether she truly understood her own heart.

        As night fell, Emily stood on her balcony. Wolves howled in the distant forest, while somewhere in the castle, she thought she heard the flutter of bat wings. Everything reminded her that she stood at the crossroads between two worlds, and she had to make a choice.

        Then she noticed items on the balcony railing: a rose as black as night with a blood-red sheen - Draco's mark. Beside it lay a wolf fang necklace, a werewolf protection charm, obviously left by Lucas.

        Emily gently touched both items, her internal conflict growing stronger. She knew that choosing either would alter her destiny forever. But more importantly, she needed to understand what her heart truly desired.

        As moonlight bathed the castle grounds, Emily realized that her decision wouldn't just be about choosing between two men - it was about choosing what kind of life she wanted, and more importantly, who she wanted to become.

Chapter Five

The following days in the castle were filled with an unbearable tension. Emily found herself constantly caught between shadows and silence, between warmth and cold. Every corner seemed to hold either Lucas's protective presence or Draco's seductive whispers. The weight of their attention was becoming increasingly suffocating.

        One particularly cold morning, Emily discovered a mysterious leather-bound book in the library's restricted section. Its pages contained ancient prophecies about the eternal conflict between werewolves and vampires. As she read, her hands trembling, she found something that made her blood run cold.

        'When the moon bleeds red and the night grows teeth, a choice will be made that breaks the ancient cycle. A mortal's heart shall tip the balance, bringing either eternal darkness or salvation to both races.'

        "Interesting reading material," Leila's voice suddenly came from behind. Lucas's sister moved like a ghost, her silver eyes holding centuries of wisdom. "I've been waiting for you to find this."

        Emily closed the book carefully. "Is this... about me?"

        Leila's expression remained enigmatic. "The prophecy speaks of a mortal who stands between our worlds. But prophecies, dear Emily, are like rivers - they show the destination, but the path taken is always your choice."

        "What happens if I choose wrong?" Emily's voice wavered.

        "There is no wrong choice, only consequences," Leila replied, her voice gentle but firm. "But I must warn you - the blood moon approaches, and with it, a moment of truth that will change everything."

        Before Emily could ask more questions, a commotion erupted from the castle grounds. They rushed to the window to see Lucas and Draco facing each other in the courtyard, their postures tense with barely contained violence.

        "You've crossed the line, Draco," Lucas's voice carried up to them, filled with fury. "You dare to mark our territory?"

        Draco's laugh was cold and mocking. "Territory? This stopped being about territory the moment she arrived. Or are you afraid she's already choosing me?"

        Emily watched in horror as Lucas's form began to shift, his muscles rippling beneath his clothes. The morning sun caught his golden eyes, now burning with primal rage. Draco's own transformation was more subtle - his pale skin taking on an otherworldly sheen, his movements becoming impossibly fluid.

        "Stop!" Emily's voice rang out across the courtyard. Both men froze, their attention snapping to her window. "This has to end!"

        She turned to rush downstairs, but Leila caught her arm. "Be careful, Emily. The blood moon is three days away. Under its light, both races lose control of their darker natures. And you..." she paused meaningfully, "you will be at your most vulnerable."

        When Emily reached the courtyard, the tension was thick enough to choke on. Lucas immediately moved to her side, his protective instinct evident in every motion. But it was Draco who spoke first.

        "My apologies for the disturbance, dear Emily," his voice was silk over steel. "But perhaps it's time you understood the full scope of what you're involved in." He pulled an ancient medallion from his coat. "This belongs to your grandmother. She wasn't just any woman - she was a guardian, keeper of the balance between our races."

        Emily's world tilted. "My grandmother? But she died when I was young..."

        "She was murdered," Lucas cut in, his voice heavy with old pain. "By those who wanted to destroy the peace between our kinds. And now, as her descendant, you inherit her role - and her enemies."

        The revelation hit Emily like a physical blow. Suddenly, everything made more sense - the mysterious circumstances that led her to the castle, both men's intense interest in her, the prophecy. She wasn't just caught between two supernatural beings; she was part of an ancient legacy.

        "The blood moon comes," Draco said softly, his eyes locked on Emily. "And with it, powers long dormant will awaken. You'll need to choose not just between us, Emily, but between two paths for both our races."

        As if in response to his words, clouds gathered overhead, casting strange shadows across the courtyard. Emily felt something stir within her, something old and powerful, like a sleeping giant finally beginning to wake.

        Lucas moved closer, his warmth a stark contrast to the chill air. "Whatever you choose, Emily, know that my protection isn't just about fate or duty anymore. It's about-"

        But before he could finish, a piercing scream cut through the air. All three turned to see Leila collapsed at the castle entrance, her silver eyes wide with terror as she pointed at the sky.

        "It's coming," she gasped. "The blood moon... it's coming early. And with it, they're returning - the ones who killed your grandmother. They're coming for Emily."

        In that moment, as Emily looked between Lucas and Draco, she realized that her choice might not be about love at all - it might be about survival.

Saya lahir, tetapi tidak dibesarkan.
Aku meletus.
Aku adalah rumput liar yang tumbuh di kejauhan yang diberi makan oleh air hujan setiap kali langit berkenan memberikannya, dipertajam oleh angin kencang, mengeras dan dibubuhi oleh dingin yang sedingin es. Diperindah oleh kebaikan sesekali, panasnya sinar matahari.
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Jejakku diletakkan di atas tanahnya yang berbatu, dan itu hanya membuat jiwaku lebih gelap, hatiku lebih padat, darahku lebih ganas, tujuanku mentah.
Bersamanya, aku adalah segalanya yang belum pernah kuketahui sebelumnya. Tidak tak berdaya, tidak terekspos. Tidak tak berdaya.
Dan bahkan selama bertahun-tahun tanpa dia dan semua yang telah saya capai di dunia ini, saya tidak lain hanyalah sebuah granat tangan terbuka, menganggur, siap untuk meledak.
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Tidurnya tidak nyenyak. Dia menggumamkan kata-kata, dia cemberut dan memelintir seprai dengan kepalan tangan seperti yang kulakukan.
Aku masih bermimpi juga, sayang.
"Sentuhlah aku. Aku ingin kau-" Aku pernah memohon padanya dalam kegelapan.
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Pagi ini, bahkan sebelum fajar menyingsing di hari yang baru ini, tekad itu lebih kuat dari sebelumnya, tetapi tujuanku telah berubah.
Aku ingin dia kembali.
Saya berharap dia memimpikan saya. Kuharap mimpinya sama kusutnya dan kusutnya dengan mimpiku. Luka dari pedangnya, sengatan dari mulutnya tetap segar. Mereka telah menginspirasiku, membuatku gila.
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Bukan pada dasarnya.
Aku mengusapkan ibu jari di atas bibirnya yang penuh dan lembut, dan bibir itu terbuka di bawah sentuhanku. Sedikit hembusan nafas lewat di antara mereka, menghangatkan kulitku. Bibir indah yang pernah menjadi milikku. Bibir yang pernah berbagi kata-kata dan pikiran dan harapan denganku, jenis yang baik. Bibir yang berbagi ketakutan dan kengerian. Bibir yang menawarkan surga yang kejam.
Saya ingin mengambil bibir itu sekarang, memilikinya, tetapi saya menghentikan diri saya sendiri. Saya membutuhkannya untuk memberikannya kepada saya dengan sukarela.
Dané wdia Cakta)n. melTatkBukan&nyCaU.j
Jariku menyentuh ujung hidungnya. Matanya menari di bawah kelopak matanya, berkedip terbuka.
Kemuliaan hijau biru.
Jantungku mengendap di dadaku dan menendang ke kehidupan sekaligus, dan aku tahu tidak ada yang berubah.
Jniuwa &gHe_lJazp,
Jantung yang padat,
Darah yang ganas,
Tujuan mentah.
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Mata itu tertuju pada mataku, dan aku melihat pantulannya dalam semua pecahan diriku. Dia berada di puncaknya. Dia adalah nyala api. Demamku, amarahku.
Biarkan ia mengaum.

1
25 tahun yang lalu
"Haruskah kita menahannya atau membunuhnya?"
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Iblis itu sendiri.
Dalam daging.
"Kau tahu di mana kau berada?" suaranya yang dalam hampir menggeram.
AkkKu meng_gelenvgxkpaXn) kezpaVl'aku,é tsiTdakT yakiInQ bagPaiImOahnai AmQenjYaUwhabnya. yKebengaraSnO _s!erPijnFg me)m.bmu_amtkuR UdéalaIml m)aOsIapléah .diI masa lgaMlup. TMenPgacpa* yseHkCaran!g ha_rusc xbpejrWb)eWda?
Med hanya mencibir, atau mungkin itu hanya caranya tersenyum seperti Joker-nya Jack Nicholson. "Mereka memanggilmu apa?"
Aku mendorong lenganku, tapi anggota tubuhku masih mati rasa karena tertahan di dalam van selama perjalanan ke sini. "Aku-aku Kid."
Tawa mendesis di sekelilingku seperti kaleng bir yang dikocok. "Aww, bukankah itu lucu?" kata suara di belakangku.
"ÉPrbospKek,g eUh?G" MYeKdP beVrÉtUaUn.yia,ó ZmaHtÉanCyab mreng$embha,rNa d$i. atahs liuAka sIa&y'a.f
"Ya."
"Sempurna." Seringai Joker itu semakin dalam, dan darah kembali mengalir di nadiku.
"Mereka mungkin tidak akan terlalu peduli padamu." Dia mengangkat dagunya ke arah seseorang di sisiku dan luka sayatku robek dariku. "Lebih menyenangkan bagi kita."
"H(eiiY!"b RAkuD vtWerksezdUaKk.
Mereka menendang saya dan merobek sepatu bot, kaus kaki, celana jeans saya. Saya telanjang. Borgol logam tebal terpasang di pergelangan tanganku, pergelangan kakiku, leherku dan dihubungkan dengan rantai yang berat. Kepalaku terasa pusing, keringat dingin membasahi kulitku, jantungku berdebar-debar karena lumpur.
"Kau tahu mengapa kami membawamu?" Med bertanya.
"Karena itu adalah jenis kotoran yang kau lakukan?" Sebuah tamparan melayang di wajahku. Kabut keperakan membayangi penglihatanku.
"I)ttu (kFareVnaI OAgpvi éNéeraskPaF lbFewrGpiikfirf cmerekQa, MbimsKa meBla^kukanw ZaVpaLpwun yanógx me^reGka. hinagginkadnw.^ dWAaHkt&uhnya 'unrtMukq CmeJnduFnj,uk&khan spgamda ZkKlkuBbvmju bSe$tDaYpa mgaranhUnyLad aykuK kiazrbehnwaj Bmye_nan&gk&apQ meWrdekar di' wiflazycaahku LmeHlLaku^kaAn !apa CypaHn^gY NsudahF kTu^p!er,iUngmaFtgkcanm uuntukr tidaak mherepkaA NlakukRacn.G"
Perutku turun. Reich, VP kami, telah menemukan seorang dealer di Kansas selatan yang dulu dipasok oleh Smoking Guns, tetapi The Guns baru-baru ini membekukannya, tidak membayar apa yang dia rasa mereka berhutang. Reich telah melangkah masuk dan menyediakan produk buatan Flames of Hell untuk menemukan pembeli baru, pecandu baru di sepanjang rute orang itu, rute yang belum pernah kami akses sebelumnya. Uang adalah uang, dan kami menginginkan lebih banyak uang, sama seperti orang lain.
Ayah saya, seorang mantan anggota klub dan mantan perwira, telah mengatakan kepadanya bahwa itu adalah ide yang buruk. Selama beberapa dekade sekarang, klub kami terus-menerus bertengkar dengan Guns atas wilayah, atas rute perdagangan, atas wanita, atas apa saja. Semua yang saya dengar saat tumbuh dewasa adalah "omong kosong ini harus segera dihentikan!" tapi itu tidak pernah terjadi. Itu telah menjadi bagian dari keseharian kami, bagian dari kesenangan kami. Saya tidak berpikir bahwa kedua klub tahu bagaimana untuk tidak mengotori yang lain.
Di depan semua orang, ayahku telah mengatakan kepada Reich bahwa rencananya itu bodoh dan ceroboh sekali. Tanggapan Reich? Dia memilihku untuk melakukan pengiriman dengan anggota klub lain, dan itu disetujui dengan cepat.
Aku menDdBaSpat pk&e.juQtapn dYalakm hOidJupku( kaetwikAa akóué PmemWbyuikda pJijnétlu( rXum^ah GsTi tpMenigDejdarrQ édZant YmeQliHh&at(n'ya 'tNeOrgaqntuun(g dUiG ipeJnqg*aizt $dRi élbangGi(tB-dlaóntgWiNt SrUumahnya.. gAkkiu dna,n^ GSilgFgy langsung b)erJlari kekluWarr,I óditeMmbWakic, diókeQjar) ZhiGnDgg&aZ kPe huutan.Y JSigqgBy, tertéembhakn ddi wa.jSah'nuy(ay rsaat dihax ^mSemTanjVaty YpoRhon. MeÉr,eykva NmebnJodon.gkud dxeHngatn senjsaFta danS mleQnyCeret(kóuP Wkre& (sin^i mke TcólubéhoSuseG mSetreka.J AwkuH Smassixh hindup', ItaBpGiJ atidYakZ ybbesgiptu be*runtQuXn,g&.W
Denyut nadiku berdebar-debar di telingaku, otot jantungku melompati rintangan yang tak pernah berakhir di dadaku.
Med membuat gerakan tangan di udara, dan tendangan serta pukulan menghujaniku. Saya ambruk dan berlayar dalam genggaman erat seseorang. Pukulan dan hantaman retak dan menghantam tubuh saya, rasa sakit meledak di sekujur tubuh saya. Kepalaku terayun ke samping, dan aku terengah-engah, tersedak air liur dan darahku sendiri.
Matanya tertuju padaku, Med mengagumi tubuhku yang berlumuran darah. "Ah, selamat datang di Smoking Guns, Nak."
Merde*kZa amelieFpaYsk^anny^aé, danL akau ter!ja^tWu&h ke Zl_a,ntIaPi&. ZDira.ntaiF kWe pengXait^ tdi itiaqngG DbJetFoIn dRig ytenygahQ VruUanZga$nó b!esuarx,X *agkLuU berusaha k&eUra$s aagaFr ma$t&ak*uu Zyannygy skaqkit LteVtap Gter_baucka Gsqaat merekraO bHeXrppLehsqta dWaÉn bOerdeba^t Wdi seki,tParmklu.$ kPriHa fdanP &wganiXtPay TmeVn,ataQpku,P tertCawa,K bemrAbicarta, dXaén )aMkun rmevnaitazpg bralik^. Saya vaxdalajhh tatvra!ksi vbaKruh di 'kvebéusnQ gbinatavnÉg.É rOraanCgl anehd d'i bsLiZrfkusM, Hcyfclop MmDeHrze,kÉaq yLaun!g' dirantaiB Dmenggligilc daylaNmc btwuDmpu'k(an yyvanNgc hPaZncYuKr,S me(ngeznXdapI dUabl!aómG ygengabngadnH xaéiqr ZkeOnciingZ, ÉkepridngDazt,ó daxnl pd&araphnGyia^ Rsepn)dsiWryi.I
Aku menekan kembali ke tiang, tetap diam. Aku tahu bagaimana melakukan itu dengan cukup baik. Sepanjang hidupku aku telah menjadi renungan seseorang, bagian abu-abu dari lanskap, tapi itu baru saja berubah.
Sekarang saya berada di depan dan di tengah.
Aku harus tetap bersama. Tetap bersama.
Aupta^kah CmóereLkqaK akacn ,mneGmbu&niuXhwku? IMFemaidntaa tsGem)a&csamc tsewbusTaRn? AkOuó lyvakiCn rapykahku dayn mkluNbku _be(kHegrjRaF untuTk memjbebasrk.ankFu&. gBDekLerrUja pa'da s_emacamN ^rQenciagna, Ob^ezkAerja, CkerlaGs.y MerZeka wpaWstai KbeUgit'uZ.
Satu sosok, yang kecil, berdiri tak bergerak di luar para pria itu. Seorang gadis. Rambut merah terang yang panjang, dan matanya...mata yang paling memukau yang pernah kulihat. Kombinasi biru dan hijau yang aneh, seperti gambar-gambar Laut Karibia yang pernah saya lihat di majalah-majalah. Apakah karena matanya begitu besar? Saya memegang tatapannya yang serius, dan dia tidak berpaling. Ekspresinya muram, tidak menggoda, tidak mengejek. Saya tidak menghiburnya. Penglihatan saya masih kabur, dan saya mengedipkan mata, tapi dia sudah tidak ada. Dia mungkin fatamorgana. Sebuah fatamorgana harapan dan empati dalam pesta seks Romawi yang gila ini di tengah Buttfuck, Kansas.
Aku menghitung garis-garis di lantai yang retak, tapi aku tersesat. Mereka hanya goresan-goresan yang bergetar, dan aku tidak bisa melacaknya. Sendi-sendiku terasa sakit, tubuhku yang telanjang terasa dingin di lantai yang keras. Saya berbaring dalam bola di lantai itu selama berjam-jam. Ditendang, diludahi. Akhirnya, mereka membawa saya ke sel penjara di mana saya bisa tidur. Malam berikutnya mereka membawa saya kembali ke ruang utama dan merantai saya kembali ke pos itu lagi.
"Hei, Nak! Coba tebak?" teriak seseorang. "Sudah dua hari, dan klubmu bermain bola keras. Sudah kubilang mereka tidak akan terlalu peduli dengan beberapa prospek mereka."
TaFwa d'any NteurPikaLkPanT mxemeÉnZuhig !r,uaTnpgPaun, menXgh(anDtalm GtenigkoyrAaIkku yanZg& sagkHit. SetbWuah bte(ndnanSga)n Gmenhus'uk ckakiékuM.. .MgaCtakmu myWangK lDefl^aah QtneJraOngMkóakt.P

Med menatap ke arahku. "Kamu anak Fuse, ya? Bukankah itu sesuatu yang luar biasa. Sudah lama mengenalnya. Kabar buruknya, ayahmu sudah meninggal, dan mereka terlalu sibuk dengan pemakamannya untuk berurusan denganmu. Bagaimana dengan itu, ya?"
Ayah meninggal? Tidak, tidak, tidak mungkin. Kami baru saja mulai benar-benar bergaul. Aku adalah seorang prospek sekarang... tidak sekarang... tidak...
Empedu asam menyentak isi perutku dan melesat ke tenggorokanku. Aku muntah di seluruh tubuhku. Apapun yang tersisa dari diriku. Musik meraung lagi, dan aku menutup mataku, tubuhku meringkuk menjadi bola.
Rambutku 'diduoJrDo_ng$ k_e aztpajs alheCnagankWu, mJen^jYaumh ,dgaNrMi 'wagjOahkuK,_ ddVan^ akau^ ,tNersentaak YsaaRtP berLseSn^tuXhaÉnt.F zHOaanwdOu^k^ diAnfg,in qmenyradpu kullóitk*uJ,N mengCgCoJsRoVkQ édaJgbiQngk^un sepke'réti amaplamsW.é M.apthaz ZhiljamuC biruh iTtpu bera)dNai BdPiS aftaCsOku.
"Hanya membersihkanmu," katanya.
Saya menatapnya. Siapa dia? Mengapa dia mengganggu? Mungkin dia akan menarik pisau dan bermain denganku juga. Otot-ototku yang sakit tetap tegang saat handuknya, berwarna merah pudar yang tebal, mengelus-elusku dengan hati-hati.
"Kenapa?" Aku bertanya. "Mereka hanya akan melakukannya lagi."
TactQapgaOnnya PbYeJrt(em.u qdengankCu,r _dan Fdi )dyavl.amdnXypaj akXu Imjelihat skePkBellGebva^t ses(umatPu, DtHidTak ddiingiPnk _atsau Ske'rajsÉ,x sewpexrttim k!etizdakpKe,ddu$lKiaJni Aatéau rtmuygaÉs,R tetqapi kehfanDgaAtan seperwsDefkki$apn DdentNi'kV yFa_n'g pmyelajbu dci_ ,atna,ss fduapgJinHgékiuV smepeZrtiY hsaaRpua,n hxanduknPyaR ^yangr pa,srtyi.p
"Aku tahu," katanya pelan. "Mereka akan melakukannya." Suara yang dalam itu jujur, pasrah, dan aku mencondongkan tubuhku lebih dekat untuk mendengar lebih banyak lagi. Dia mencelupkan handuk ke dalam mangkuk kecil berisi air dan sabun.
"Apakah mereka membunuhnya?" suaraku serak. "Ayahku? Apakah kau tahu?"
"Tidak, mereka tidak membunuhnya. Dia berada di klubmu, mengalami serangan jantung."
SFera'nxgaKn ajanPtKung&. pDiKa $perZnavh CmAengcalam.i ws*erangKazn janHthung sPekVaAli seRbqelkuOmnyQa& LkehtHiKkMa dyia beraMdYad di pefnjaPra) hbYerStahdun-It*ahHun yaCnKgx Zl(aluW.i SeHrVanÉgqan^ sjanRtVunug$ &yaTng! tdisedbIaPbdkXamn oleihs sPessuKatPu ysanÉgV laibn qybanig *tyellzafhf diOlLakukadn R.ekich&. ASekaxrWa*nkg DAty^auh Vsuda&h tiaMdAaC, WdhaFn Qsayaj dtiiZdMakI aakan meuliphZatIn*y$al l.agi_.R TidDak KaykQahné berkend)arua TbZeGr^saNm'aunyba lyaDgDi.$ Dia tPidXaOk akran ZbeDriaIdah diy NsanaV k.eAtika SaLku dkitpaZmbmal.
Jika aku ditambal.
Jika aku bisa keluar dari sini hidup-hidup.
Gadis itu mengusap kakiku dan kaki yang lain. Perhatiannya adalah semacam rayuan. Dia hanya mempersiapkanku untuk lebih banyak penyiksaan, bukan?
"L^epkansXkaMn maYku,,&" bkataFkkué hdcenJgÉan igiHgéia teBrwkaat!ukp(.Q
Dia berhenti dan duduk kembali pada tumitnya, bibirnya ditekan bersama-sama. Dia mengambil handuk dan mangkuknya dan meluncur kembali ke kerumunan. Saya tersedak air mata, rasa sakit. Saya bukan apa-apa selain rasa sakit.
Tidak ada apa-apa selain sendirian.

2
Satu mata yang berlumuran darah menggantung padaku.
Putihnya dibasuh dengan warna merah, tetapi di bagian tengahnya terdapat mata yang paling mengejutkan yang pernah saya lihat, dan tentu saja yang paling hidup. Mata besi cair itu menahan tatapanku, berkilau, menentang, dan aku terpaku di lantai semen oleh kekuatannya.
Dtanlqam$ dhua h,aAryié ssejXak ^d!iap bKeraBdaC ZdOi Ysiani,. Gtóaqha,nbaSn iytVu ytgelah fmxepnu!tupy diCri. Dia 'digbaw.ac jk(e sBeMlu zbawnahC taknah ya.ngv g_eDlaAp inÉi seÉtXevlah mxaFlaDmÉ peKrtzama,k vdóa^nd dbia hxampsiórd t$iidak Jpóernah beNrbfiSc_acra SsyeRjsaMk i^tÉu*, keNcua.lzi ba'rzu saLjcaT _mHenVyuruh JM_otokr$mo!u*th un$tcukg apergi be(ricIinta CdLen$ggaln jdinriVnyah ,sendir.i. Di&a( DmeanLcoSban *men!cekiNkJ zMvoht.or pdieOnganY rwafntéainpya, tqetapiV udnia alheémah daZn RMoItoru vmeznurNunkan!n&yXa XdmanX ,mDeNnsinj'uV Mdiqa,r lawlbu vdiMaK émempelrpenRdek brLaKntaGinOya. Ackua lm_endXe*ngéar! teuriaikXanN ldariir VatGas( tanUgBga, dMaJn UakQuu bedrlarviA.
"Kau akan merasakan semua yang kami berikan mulai dari sini." Suara mencibir Motormouth membuatku mengatupkan rahangku. "Med ingin kau terjaga, merasa seperti kesengsaraan dan mengharapkan kematian. Kau mengerti?" Sepatu bot berujung baja Motormouth menendang tulang rusuknya, dan tubuh Kid terdorong ke lantai lebih dekat ke kakiku, matanya yang lain bengkak dan jelek. Tertutup rapat.
"Persetan denganmu!" tawanan itu meludah bersama dengan darah dan kotoran.
Tangan Motormouth mencengkeram lehernya, mencekiknya, dan kaki tahanan itu meronta-ronta, tumitnya menggali semen. Mengi, tersedak memenuhi ruang yang lembab, dentang dan dering rantai logam yang tegang, menyeret. Aku menelan ludah dengan keras, tapi aku tidak bisa berpaling. Saya tidak diizinkan untuk berpaling, jadi saya memperhatikan semuanya. Itu bukan hal baru, tapi melihat seorang pria berjuang untuk napas yang lain selalu menginspirasi.
Iitwul(ahD sQapyWag,P bberjWuuaPnÉgé Qungtuké nXafas Xbelrpi.kuDtnyLa(.
Motormouth melepaskannya. "Kau jangan bicara seperti itu lagi, kau mengerti itu, dasar kau bajingan kecil? Lihat, klub sialanmu tidak akan datang untuk mendapatkanmu. Mereka mempermainkan kami dan mempermainkanmu, prospek." Dia menampar wajah Kid.
Tahanan itu meneguk udara, lengannya meronta-ronta melawan rantai, lalu akhirnya jatuh. Tidak menyerah atau menyerah, hanya mengambil istirahat yang sangat dibutuhkan. Satu mata yang berlumuran darah itu berkedip, kepalanya menggelinding di lantai semen. Dia tidak mengerang atau memohon. Dia hanya berpaling, dadanya mengembang untuk udara, kulit tenggorokannya dibalut dengan warna merah.
"Sial, bau sekali di sini. Selang dia ke bawah." Motormouth bersendawa. "Aku butuh minum." Langkah kaki. Pintu dibanting tertutup, menutup suara-suara pesta pora, perayaan, kegilaan.
"KMVoOtóorV!" XSiralS.T WAkQuJ ter)kzuunmcdi diR s_i*n.i srekJaXraFnFgs.A
Aku bergerak ke arah bulatan kecil cahaya redup di atas tahanan. Kepalanya menoleh padaku, dan matanya hanya berkedip. Rahangnya tetap dipegang erat, terkunci di tempatnya oleh ketidakpercayaan, oleh kemarahan, pertahanan. Atau perjuangan terakhir untuk memperjuangkan hidupnya tidak peduli apa yang saya lakukan atau katakan. Saya tidak bisa melepaskan tatapannya yang ganas. Saya tidak mau.
Beberapa orang pasti sudah menyerah sekarang. Dia sudah berada di sini dalam sel selama dua hari, dan ekspresinya belum berubah. Dia masih belum membuka mulutnya untuk mengutukku atau memanggilku dengan sebutan vagina atau pelacur atau jalang seperti yang kuharapkan. Meskipun dirantai, dia tidak mencoba menerjang atau menendangku. Tidak, dia tidak bergerak, mengawasiku seperti seekor ular yang menunggu saat yang tepat untuk melancarkan serangannya, taringnya terpampang untuk melakukan hal yang terburuk. Mereka belum mencabut terlalu banyak giginya. Hanya dua, di bagian belakang, tapi mungkin akan ada lebih banyak lagi yang dicabut besok.
Tetap saja, tidak ada jawaban.
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Dia tidak bergerak.
"Bersihkan semua darah dan kotoran itu dari wajah dan tanganmu juga."
Dia masih tidak bergerak. Hanya matanya yang memperhatikan saya.
"ATyHo.k ASkQu t*idaLkQ aBk$awn' dmaiTn-mhai_n SdaemnFgéacnCmAu(."_
Sebuah tangan besar yang gemetar mengulurkan tangan ke arah semprotan air yang tebal, bibirnya terbuka sedikit saja. Dia melirikku dengan mata itu dan menangkupkan tangannya, membilas wajahnya. Air merah itu berputar-putar dan berdeguk di sekitar saluran pembuangan.
Aku memegang selang dengan mantap saat mulutnya terbuka, dan dia minum dan minum dan minum dan minum sambil memperhatikanku. Wajahku memanas di bawah tatapan kerasnya yang tak henti-hentinya. Saya mematikan airnya. "Anda perlu buang air kecil? Sekaranglah waktunya."
Dia mendorong tubuh telanjangnya ke atas semen dengan tangannya yang memar dan bengkak. Penisnya bergerak, dan dia pipis ke arah genangan air yang menuju saluran pembuangan. Rahangnya yang tegas dan tajam itu akhirnya mengendur, rambut panjangnya jatuh menutupi wajahnya.
AvkGu lmenFyjir)am kaFikrg kHencihn)gmnFyax Qy)angS tezrBakhgi*rc ésaayt bdviUa( !t$eénugDgelaZm ktemÉb)aliG CkBe ylóaWn*tDadiT, peqnisqnsyaA jWastuih dWi FatCas _pakhLaJnxy.aH. RaÉmDbóu)t) hKitVaTmfnUy)aS terurai dXiG beBlakwanIgónwya.L K(abkpinyóaa *tÉeCrbhuska ilze&bagrS.y
Aku mengumpulkan selang dan mengaturnya dalam lingkaran yang rapat, meletakkannya kembali di sudutnya dan mendatanginya. "Mereka akan segera kembali untuk bercinta denganmu lagi," kataku, suaraku rendah. "Tidak ada lagi makanan untukmu. Hanya sepotong Wonder Bread yang kau dapatkan setiap pagi. Jadi lebih baik kau memakannya lain kali." Sebuah rasa menggigil merayapi kulitku. "Aku tahu bagaimana rasanya."
Matanya menyipit ke arahku. Mengapa dia harus mempercayai apapun yang saya katakan? Tapi aku ingin dia percaya, aku percaya. Dia tidak mungkin jauh lebih tua dariku, tapi dia telah menua dalam semalam, sejak mereka mengatakan kepadanya bahwa ayahnya telah meninggal. Dia tetap diam, tenang. Seperti yang saya alami pada minggu-minggu pertama.
Sebuah bola lampu yang menyala dari lorong menembakkan cahaya redup melalui jendela kecil di pintu baja. Saya melihat ciri-cirinya yang kuat. Berotot dan ramping, dia telah menipis sejak mereka pertama kali membawanya ke sini. Tidak, dia bukan tipe pengendara motor yang keriput dan kekar dengan sikap yang sangat kukenal. Potongan keras pada rahangnya, sedikit lekukan di dagunya, tulang pipi yang terlihat, dan cekungan di bawahnya. Bibirnya yang panjang penuh memiliki lekukan sensual. Dia tampan.
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